Funnies

That's the plural of funny, and not a particularly entertaining type of rabbit.

Two funny things for you. First, if you've never come across Jake and Amir in your Internet-ly travels, you've been missing out on some funny stuff. They're a couple of guys from College Humor who've been pumping out two videos a week for a couple years now. The videos are 1-3 minutes long, but they're long on humor. I recommend you go to the site and just click "Random Video" a few times. My guess is something will come up that you'll like.

The second funny thing for you is my cousin's blog, Opinionated Truths. He's pretty funny. Laugh at him. Not with him, at him.

How To Rate A Movie

I opened a Netflix account a few months ago, and have been enjoying the movie-watching opportunities it's offered. I generally don't see many movies, so this has been my opportunity to catch up on all those "have to see" films.

Facebook offers a feature whereby your Netflix ratings (which Netflix uses to determine what kind of movies you might like and suggests them) are posted on Facebook for all to see. So when I gave the second Fantastic Four movie two stars, my friends saw that I didn't think much of the movie. Likewise, when I ranked High Fidelity as a five-star movie, Facebook automatically relayed that information.

As my ratings have become public, I've started to give them a little more thought, and the most recent movie I've watched has given me some trouble: Taken. It's by no means an intellectual movie, and it doesn't have that big twist that's been seemingly mandatory ever since The Usual Suspects came out. But I found it very entertaining, and also thought it had a satisfying ending.

So the dilemma is this: Do I rate the movie with regards to how impressive it is, how thoughtful the script is, and how powerful it is? Or do I rate it simply with how happy I was to have watched it afterward?

I choose the latter. For me, the ultimate test of a work is not (and never has been) whether the piece showed expertise or inspiration, but whether or not I enjoyed it. I gave The Rock five stars a couple months ago, and unknowingly used this exact logic.

I've spent most my life enjoying "lame" music, watching "nerdy" movies, and just generally being a "geek" or "dork." I like what I like, and after 29 years of life, maybe it's time to fully embrace that. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to listen to some Michael McDonald, watch a couple Harry Potter movies, and see if that Magic: The Gathering game has come out for the Xbox Live Arcade yet (it apparently has).

Just Like Music

First things first, I have decided nothing for my birthday. I'll probably have pie of some sort, though fried ice cream is still on the table. Dessert is about all I look forward to these days. PS: There's pie at the house.

Moneyball is the second most important book I've ever read, behind only Ishmael by Daniel Quinn.

Remember ages ago when I said I was going to start posting audio files of myself playing and singing songs on a regular basis? And remember how not only did I not start posting them on a regular basis, but didn't in fact post a single one? Well, I've got a faint hope of finally coming around on that. Faint.

I'm compiling a list of potential songs right now, and putting them into two categories: A) songs I can play/have played, and B) songs I think I could play and might sound good, were it someone else singing and playing. If you've got any suggestions for either list, I'm happy to hear them. I make no promises about how long it'll take to post anything, or even that anything will progress on this front at all.

Wish me luck.

Cumpleanos

As some of you know (those of you who are real friends), I've got a birthday coming up here in a couple weeks. I've brainstormed a little about what I want to do, but I'm not having a lot of success. So far, the only certainties I've got are that I want to do something, and I'd like to drink some Leinenkugel's beer while I'm doing whatever that something is.

So let's fill in the blank. What will I do for my birthday? It's a Saturday, which adds some possibilities. The default, and I'm sure the first idea that most of you will have (as it was the first idea I had) is to go out. Get a good dinner, go to some bars, have drinks, get someone else to pay. And that doesn't sound terrible, but A) I can go out to bars whenever, B) it'll almost certainly be a group of fifteen guys and two girls, and C) I don't normally seek out bar trips, so it feels strange to do so as a special occasion.

I'm not discounting the possibility of going out to a bar or bars for my birthday, but I feel like I can do better than that. So what do I like doing? Well, playing video games, for starters. I've had fun pretty much every time we've gotten a group together to play (usually Halo or Halo 2), but it's always a challenge getting enough people to build two solid teams. Plus, my basement is still being worked on, so my house isn't a great option for hosting such an event. Add to that the fact that Chip's house now has a baby and is thus much less favorable for hosting, and we're hurting. We'll table that idea for now.

What else do I like? Well, if you've seen a recent picture of me (or really any picture from the past fifteen years), you know I like to eat. No, not babies. Just, you know, food. I was passing through our family room last night and my mom was watching Top Chef. Cooking is pretty cool, and competitions are pretty cool, so what about some kind of cooking competition? Split up into teams or twosomes, have some cooking challenge, judge it, give the winner something. This kind of idea would take some commitments ahead of time, though, so I'd like to hear from you folks if you'd be up for this.

Any other ideas? You guys probably know what I'd like more than I do, so any input is welcome. If you have a thought on how to twist one of the other ideas, that'd be welcome, too.

Top 5 Dave Matthews Band Songs (for today; it always changes)

1. Bartender
2. Lie In Our Graves
3. Warehouse
   
4. Crush
5. Proudest Monkey

I'm thinking I might have to cave in, shell out whatever outrageous markup the scalpers are charging, and go see DMB this summer. Though it won't be the same (it can't be the same) without Leroi Moore, the music was too important to me for too long for me to have gone this long without going to a show (8 years?). If anybody's willing to come with me and brave the parking disaster that is Nissan Pavilion, let me know. And let's do this.

What Is Up?

When I think about why I'm making this blog post, I'm reminded of a memorable quote from my all-time favorite show, The West Wing:

SAM
I think this press conference is about our future.

BARTLET
I think this press conference is about we haven’t had a press conference in a while.

The truth is, there's really nothing too exciting going on, nothing I feel the need to comment on. I just know I haven't written in a while, so here we go.

My pants don't fit anymore. It's in a good way; that is, I've lost enough weight that my pants are too loose, but the actual problem is the same. My pants don't fit anymore. I can get by with them for a little while longer, but the reality is that I'm going to look a little bit silly until I get some new ones.

What does this mean for my recently begun job search? I'm not sure. You're supposed to wear a suit to interviews, and I haven't tried on my suit in a few months. That's second on my to-do list for when I leave work today. Number one on that list is to buy some chewy chocolate chip cookies for my sister. I unknowingly ate the last of her stash (it was in the kitchen, how could I know?), and because I feel her pain on people devouring any food you leave in the kitchen, I'm gonna grab her a box or bag or whatever. Shhh, don't tell her. Everybody likes surprises.

Top 5 Games I've Been Playing Recently

1. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Xbox 360) - I played Morrowind (the prequel to this game), and was almost immediately frustrated with its lack of direction. Oblivion has only slightly more direction, but it was enough for me, and now I'm hooked. Perhaps the best evidence of its quality is that I'm playing it with almost no interest in stacking achievements. I'm playing the game just to play the game. It's wild.
2. Army of Two (Xbox 360) - I've been playing online with Patrick, both of us looking to pick up some achievements, and it's been a blast. We're both willing to acknowledge when we mess up, and we both mess up a fair amount. But when the cooperation pays off, it's very gratifying.
3. Diablo II (PC) - Kicking it old school, I've always liked the game, and I've talked Chip into giving it a shot. I'm finding out, though, that my desk at home isn't set up very well, ergonomically speaking. Gotta work that out before it hurts my shoulder even more. Anyways, looking forward to giving the game another go-around. Treasure-hunting is my kind of fun.
4. Left 4 Dead (Xbox 360) - I don't play it as much as some people (Patrick and Nick), but it's fun enough. My only qualm, and one that will likely be resolved in the upcoming sequel, is that I suck, and I keep getting matched up against people who are pretty good, so it's embarrassing when I play online. Hopefully Left 4 Dead 2 will have an actual matchmaking system, rather than just throwing people together.
5. Destiny of an Emperor (NES) - Remember when I said I was kicking it old school by playing Diablo II? This is a little bit older school. It's an RPG based in ancient China, and while I prefer the more conventional Nintendo RPGs like Final Fantasy or Dragon Warrior, it's still a fairly fun game. Plus I'm far enough into it now that I want to take it all the way.

EDIT: In the original version of this post, I had an incorrect statement about Epic. This post has been updated to remove that inaccuracy.

New Radio / New Music?

I had my radio conk out a couple weeks ago, and just recently got a new one installed. It's got an auxiliary input (for an iPod or mp3 player) as well as a USB connector (for flash drives). A lot of people have already got those features in their cars, but for me this is a whole new world. I don't have to make CDs anymore (though I'm sure I will).

All of that is an extremely boring lead-up to me saying I'm going to finally get a chance to listen to more music. The sheer amount of music I have at my disposal is staggering; it's time for me to delve into the archives to find some gems.

I'm currently working with my brother's Creative Zen Touch, but I've run into a compatibility issue. The mp3 player is older, and doesn't have a Vista-compatible driver. And of course, I was too cheap to pay the extra $100 to have XP installed on my new computer, and just accepted Vista (which every day seems like a bigger mistake). So in order to update the content on the Zen, I have to use an older computer, which means I'm transferring music files from my main computer to an external hard drive, then to the older computer, and finally to the mp3 player. What kind of joke-ass operating system can't use drivers from its predecessors?

The other option is to just use flash drives, but the storage capacity on the ones I already own isn't exactly overwhelming. I've got a 2 GB one that I use for my personal work, and a 512 MB one that I've had forever and I'm unsure as to how much longer it'll work. Oh, and I have a 256 MB one that went through a washing machine, still works, but I don't trust.

So my options are

• Use mp3 CD's, storage capacity of 700 MB apiece.
• Use my old flash drives, storage capacity of 512 MB.
• Use the Zen Touch, and commit to spending 15-20 minutes in file transfers every time I want to change the music.
• Buy a new flash drive or two with greater storage capacity.
• Buy a new mp3 player.

For the time being, I think I'll use the old flash drives, but I'm going to start prowling the Internet for cheap flash drives and mp3 players, and wait for something to pop out at me.

Top 5 Artists Whose Music I'm Going to Explore Now:

1. Kiss - Plundo has been a fan of Kiss for as long as I can remember, and I've added a song once every year or two to my regular rotation (I Was Made For Lovin' You, then Detroit Rock City, most recently Love Gun). It's time to get knee deep and see if these boys can play.
2. Rush - I've heard songs by Rush I've liked, and songs I haven't. I enjoy progressive rock as a genre, though, and Rush is allegedly one of the best. It's only fair that I give them a legitimate chance.
3. Pharoahe Monch - While I've cooled off on rap as a whole, I still enjoy the occasional foray, and Pharoahe Monch seems to be my most frequent target. He just rhymes everything. It's pretty impressive.
4. O.A.R. - Know thy enemy.
5. Yes - Another "prog rock" band, but I've only heard maybe two songs from Yes. They seem to skew a little bit more towards standard music than Rush, so I actually expect to like more Yes songs, but I feel like I need to listen to more Rush.
   

The King of Pop

As I'm sure all of you have heard, Michael Jackson died yesterday afternoon at the age of 50. I spent some time online, watching music videos on Youtube, perusing Facebook, and reading news, and people seemed to fall into two camps with regards to their response to the news of Jackson's death.

The first group lamented the passing of a music icon. There were a lot of fond memories, people talking about how they look forward to a bump in his radio play over the next few days, and more than a few people saying "rest in peace" (or "rest in piece").

The second group took the opportunity to get one last jab in and try to make some snide comment about Jackson's past. The most common "joke" (I put it in quotes because it doesn't really show any creativity, and isn't particularly funny) was that, now that Michael Jackson is dead, children can sleep easily at night. Because, you know, pedophilia is a riot.

Some people do fall into both categories, and it's not surprising that they produce some of the better jokes. They're able to be in touch with the fact that Jackson was a cultural giant, while still wanting to make some jokes.

You guys know me. You know I don't really get offended ever, and this isn't really an exception. I'm not offended that people are taking this person's death and making fun of a possible trauma that a child or children may have gone through. But when I see people my age making these comments, it strikes me as a very sincere form of pandering.

People want to be perceived in very specific ways. These people, the people making these jokes, are unwilling to acknowledge the value that Michael Jackson offered. They won't admit that, for a time, they really liked Michael Jackson (which is a fair guess, because fucking everybody liked Michael Jackson). They'd like to be perceived as above nostalgia, above the sentimentality of those times. Over time, it became "cool" to make fun of Michael Jackson. But in my mind, today, and going forward, it's particularly "uncool."

People know Ray Charles was an addict. People are pretty sure that Tupac was a killer. And yet, both of those artists are mostly remembered today for their accomplishments and their talents, and their shortcomings are only remembered as part of the whole picture. My guess is that five years down the road, Michael Jackson will be remembered most for creating some of the finest music in the past quarter century, and his missteps will be looked upon as just a part of the tragic figure who touched our lives for so many years.

In honor of the King of Pop, my All-Time Top 5 Favorite Michael Jackson Songs:

1. The Way You Make Me Feel (1988)
   
2. Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough (1979)
   
3. Human Nature (1983)
   
4. You Rock My World (2001)
5. Black or White (1991)

Top 5 Video Games I've Played in the Past Week

With the forum not pulling in a lot of traffic, I figured I'd post my Top 5 lists on here from now on. We'll kick it off with something completely transient and random.

Top 5 Games I've Played in the Past Week

1. Rock Band 2 - What can I say? I love the bastard.
2. Army of Two - I played it online for the first time last week, and it's kind of intriguing. Plus I've still got hundreds of achievement points to earn.
   
3. Pizza Tycoon - It's losing steam, though, as the sheer number of stores is getting tough to manage.
4. Guitar Hero III - It's not perfect, but the basic tenets are up my alley...figuratively.
5. Grand Theft Auto IV - I may be done with the story part of the game, but there's still plenty to do (and destroy) in Liberty City.

Week 10 Fitness Wrap-Up

Not much new to discuss, but it's time to face the music and allow myself to be accountable. It's better than the secret weigh-in I had last time, but not by much. I'm just so easily seduced by tasty food; it's my Achilles' heel.

Pizza Tycoon

I did rediscover a game I've enjoyed on several occasions, Pizza Tycoon. It's a simulation game that puts you in the role of (surprise surprise) a pizza restaurant entrepreneur. You start out with a little money and a dream, and you open a pizza restaurant to start living that dream. The game isn't terribly intuitive, and I'm still having trouble figuring out how exactly people like their pizza, but I do well enough to bring in customers.

The "Tycoon" might elicit thoughts of Rollercoaster Tycoon, but this game is a much less refined program. Still, it's pretty complex, and while some things are a little mysterious (like how much money I actually have), there's enough that can be figured out to make for a fun time. I've got seven restaurants now, and I just made my first 100 rated pizza last weekend at Mike's place. So, yeah, I'm pretty good.

Week 10 weight: 314.0 lbs

Week 8 Fitness Wrap-Up

So, I didn't really diet this week. I mean, I tried to focus on eating the kinds of foods I'm supposed to eat, but I didn't do a particularly good job. I managed to dodge excessive amounts of alcohol on the weekend, which when you spend two nights hanging out at Eddie P.'s house is not an insubstantial feat. But it's time for me to get back on the horse, start eating right again, and start walking/lifting/Rock Band drumming again, basement situation be damned.

Please note that there will not be a weigh-in for this wrap-up. It's not that I didn't weigh in; it's that I'm utterly embarrassed at the resulting weight, and I'm giving myself a week to clean up my act before we go public with the story.

Plants vs. Zombies

You may recall that I talked about playing the demo for this PC game in my last fitness post. Well, since that time, I did in fact purchase the full game, as did my brother and my cousin Mike. I'd venture to say that we are each happy with our purchase. I've played the game for no less than twenty hours, which puts it in favorable company when compared to several games I've bought recently, such as Crackdown and NFL Head Coach '09 (neither of which I've played at all yet).

The game isn't ground-breaking by any stretch, but it's fun and clean. Everything is pretty intuitive, and it mixes in humor very well. I think I'm almost done with the game, as far as defeating every challenge it offers, but I can definitely see playing around with it for a while longer, just for kicks. There are several defensive plants I have yet to employ, and I'm interested to see what the "Cob Cannon" does.

Illness Strikes

Yes, unfortunately, I've gotten sick. It feels pretty much like a cold, so I've been treating it like a cold: a DayQuil/NyQuil two-pronged attack, with cough drops mixed in. I've missed two days of work so far, and I'm really hoping not to add in a third. It's not that I find my job particularly rewarding or interesting. I just generally like to be in the black with regards to leave hours, and these are two days I hadn't planned on using up.

It's interesting how when people find out that I'm sick, their automatic (joke?) response is, "Is it swine flu?" If you're among the people who said so, don't worry, you're one of many. It's just weird that this illness that's struck 5,500 Americans (roughly .002% of the United States population) has received enough media coverage that many persons' first response, joke or otherwise, is to make some reference to the swine flu.

Anyways, from my understanding, no, it's not swine flu. It's a cold, most likely brought along by lack of sufficient sleep and not eating enough fruits and vegetables. I think I've caught up on sleep (but I need to get into the habit of regularly getting enough sleep), and I'm working on the fruits and vegetables thing. That shit is expensive, though. Grapes are like $3/pound. So I'll be talking to my mom about buying fruits and such when she goes out. I think we've got some bananas and some oranges right now, so that'll do.

And congratulations to Joe Mandi on fixing the Hubble space telescope! (I will congratulate no one else at NASA; my assumption is that they're all worthless...except for Monkey Dude).

Super Monitor (TV?) Deal

Hey folks, here's a big time deal on a monitor that looks like it can be used as a television as long as you're not using coaxial cable as its input. It's a 42" screen for $580, and it's made by Westinghouse, not some joke brand. If I had any kind of job, I'd buy this thing. I recommend those of you with jobs check it out.

http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=4633249&Sku=W330-4210

Week 6.5 Fitness Wrap-Up (and other stuff)

Alright, truth time. I haven't posted a blog in a while because I've been a little scared to step on the scale. I've been a lot more lax with the diet, and with the basement getting worked on, I haven't had the easy access to lift weights or do any Rock Band drumming. For the most part, I've been completely inactive recently, and I was terrified to see how unforgiving the scale was going to be. You'll catch the exact numerical results at the end of this blog post, but I was completely floored by how much that wasn't the case.

Plants vs. Zombies

My cousin Mike posted this link in his AIM profile, and made the extra effort to tell me to check it out. It's a music video for a video game that came out a few days ago called (as you might have guessed) Plants vs. Zombies. If you've ever played any of the "maul" games online on Warcraft III, it's the same concept. You have an area that you're trying to defend from waves of enemies; in this case, your defenders are plants, and zombies are the attackers. You start out with simple plants, and get more sophisticated and powerful plants as time goes on. Of course, the zombies also get more powerful.

I fully expected the game to be a nice little game that I wasn't going to be willing to pay for, but the demo has got me very seriously considering shelling out the $20 to get the full game. Partly because I'd like to play the rest, but also partly just because I'd like to reward the programmers for creating a fun (and funny) game. I'm trying to figure out if I'd actually play it more than once, and that's really the question that's tempering my action. I've played Warcraft III mauls hundreds of times, but there are several dozen different versions of those. I'll let you know if I do end up buying it, and whether or not I'm happy about the purchase.

The Price of a Gamerscore Bump

I've been playing NBA Street Homecourt and Grand Theft Auto IV (the 360 version is only $36 right now, pretty good price) with the specific intention of acquiring some gamerscore points. I bought Homecourt recently, and found that I was probably going to be able to get at least 800 of the points without having to be particularly skillful (which is good, because I'm finding out that I'm not all that good at video games). I've already beaten GTA IV, but there are a few decisions you have throughout the game that you can do differently to see different consequences, and there's an achievement you receive for completing the story in 30 hours, so I figured it was worth another go-through.

I've completed the "campaign" on Homecourt, and have 800+ points from that game. I also beat GTA IV last night, getting the "Liberty City Minute" achievement for beating it quickly. However, towards the end of the evening, I started to notice my left hand was getting very sore (I know what you're thinking, but I said left hand...so it's not from writing). I realized it was actually from playing so much 360 over the past few days, which is shocking and a little embarrassing. So, going to take a break from the gaming for a little bit, give my hand a chance to recover. Movies, I guess? Speaking of...

Netflix

Netflix has a free two-week trial that I'm in the midst of, and so far, I'm liking it. The service offers movies both via mail on DVD and instant viewing online and (more importantly) the Xbox 360. The subscription plan I have gives unlimited access to the instant viewing movies/TV series, as well as one DVD at a time for $8.99. It's like $5 more a month to bump it up to two DVDs at a time, and there looks to be more than enough content on the instant access list to keep me occupied without running out of movies to watch while I'm in between DVDs. For now, my intent is to keep the service for a few months and see how much I use it.

PS: It would get used a lot more if I had a girlfriend who came over to watch movies all the time. So, heads up ladies, I've got a ton of movies we can watch. Does that make me a little more appealing? I bet it does.

I've heard Chip's opinion on this, but I figure I'll toss it out there to the masses. Do you prefer one big blog post like this, or several split up blog posts over the course of a day or two? I'm probably going to only be writing up posts once or twice a week regardless, but do you prefer that it be collected like this, sort of in a newsletter form, or would you prefer a variety of posts, each about a specific topic? Let me know.

Week 6.5 weight: 311.8